Guess What? Exactly!

Dear Friends,

I want to thank all of you for the hundreds of thousands of letters and facsimiles of encouragement. You are all too kind. For those wondering, I have been on a truly wondrous journey. Several months ago, I was in the midst of my daily walk through the woods. Maine is quite a pleasant place to be in the summer; the trees are full of life, the ponds are also full of life and the ground is full of life, too. It's everywhere! It was on this brisk walk that I tripped and shattered my hip. Eleven days went by and I could do little more than stare upwards. Luckily, I had a box of raisins and was able to fashion a makeshift kazoo to occupy my time. I was in and out of consciousness, so I’m not sure if the kazoo actually worked. Nonetheless, it kept my mind from the pain. The remarkable thing, though, friends, is that I had wonderful company. Each evening, several owls ventured down from the treetops and kept me company while I wept. One even pecked a small hole in my leg as if to say, “C’mon lazybones! You can do it! Get up and go back to wherever you came.” The hole has since gone gangrenous, but I’ll never forget the gesture. But it was the eighth day that something truly amazing happened. I was in the middle of digging in the dirt when, suddenly, a rainbow-colored owl stood before me. I immediately sensed that he wasn’t like the other owls, even though he was rainbow-colored. No, this one was different. For what seemed like eternity, he stood there and said nothing. I had stopped digging at this point. Then, with the calmness of a gentle breeze, he smiled, bent down, brushed the hair out of my eyes and told me everything was going to be ok. We talked for what seemed like weeks but it wasn’t his conversational skills that impressed me. It was his artistic skills. For he had not simply brought kindness, he had also brought an easel, paints and paintbrush. The picture, pictured here, was done by none other than the owl, who told me his name was Sidney. It took him less that 2 hours and what he left me is a masterpiece. I’ll never forget Sidney. It seems like he came and went in an instant. His work of art helped me get through the next 3 days until I was found by some teenagers who dragged me to their car. I spent the next month or so in the hospital until my hip healed, all the while thinking of Sidney and his really good painting skills. I shall depart on this note, my good friends. Owls are wonderful and some can even paint portraits.

Until next time,

Dr. Brent Simonson, PHD.

~ Dr. Brent Simonson is a leading authority on owls. He is the author of several owl books and a respected lecturer. He lives in Maine with his nephew.

A Gift From Jesus

Dear Friends,

I would like to bring your attention to an amazing new development in the science of seeing better. Ordinarily, I’m not a corporate spokesperson, but recently, an old chess partner of mine introduced me to an invention that could very well revolutionize the way we see. I’m speaking of the Optical Wallet Owl. Originally created by government artisans, this amazing device allows, for the first time, humans to see the world as owls do. Simply hold up this credit card-sized phenomenon to anything, and it is as if you were looking through an owl at the object. What ever you look at, from small printing type to meat, you’ll marvel at the fine details this brings to life. I bring you this information, friends, because owls look at the world much differently than humans do. And it is just shy of grand. I can imagine a future where these tiny, wallet-sized godsens will be surgically implanted into human eyes. This will be the day when owls and humans become almost one, a species with capabilities far beyond the limits of scientific proportions. A human-owl super race. Friends, tip your hats to postexistence.

Until next time,

Dr. Brent Simonson, PHD.

~ Dr. Brent Simonson is a leading authority on owls. He is the author of several owl books and a respected lecturer. He lives in Maine with his nephew.

Today's Owl

Dear Friends,

Today’s owl is the baby owl, or as every scientist likes to call them, the owling. Once birthed, owlings immediately try to turn their heads 360 degrees. Unfortunately, this proves fatal for some since their spines and throats are still very much gelatinous. They are subsequently consumed by their parents and begin the long journey of being digested. For the lucky ones that survive by passing the turning test, they are rewarded, not only by being able to remain alive, but by a few grub worms or dead sibling parts, fed to them by their parents. After some hearty nourishment, many try their hand at flying. This is a dangerous time in the owling’s career. 91.1% fail on their first attempt. And sadly, there are no second attempts. Many dead owlings blanket the forest floor during the spring months, providing food for lots of small carnivores. Those that aren't eaten, rot and eventually turn into compost. I am happy to report that of the 9.9% who do make it, 100% are successful. This is why the owl is one of the most omnipresent creatures in the universe. It is also why they are the blessed bird of the heavens.

Until next time,

Dr. Brent Simonson, PHD.

~ Dr. Brent Simonson is a leading authority on owls. He is the author of several owl books and a respected lecturer. He lives in Maine with his nephew.

Today's Owl

Dear Friends,

Today’s owl is the Whiskered Screech Owl, or Megascops Trichopsis as it is called in Latin. The Whiskered Screech Owl is an omnipresent creature, in that it can be found everywhere on the planet. Whiskered Screech Owls begin life very small, about the size of a penny. But through a steady diet of insects and larger owls, they grow into a lethal, mostly happy, hunter. As adults Whiskered Screech Owls prefer to live and socialize in communities. Communities can run into the thousands or be as few as 900. Whiskered Screech Owls prefer "magic hour" to hunt and often scour the land in packs of 200 or more in search of wildlife. Many a rancher’s sheep has disappeared as the result of a hungry owl mob, their skeletons found, days later, scattered among the tops of trees. Whiskered Screech Owls have large, yellowish eyes prompting some villagers to suggest the Whiskered Screech Owl to be a type of soothsayer. This, however, is highly debated among respectable scientists. Little else is known about the Whiskered Screech Owl, except that it is afraid of leaves.

Until next time,

Dr. Brent Simonson, PHD.

~ Dr. Brent Simonson is a leading authority on owls. He is the author of several owl books and a respected lecturer. He lives in Maine with his nephew.

Today's Owl

Dear Friends,

Today’s owl is (drum beat, please) the Christmas Island Hawk Owl. I have visited Christmas Island a few times and have had the unique pleasure to observe the Christmas Island Hawk Owl. Lazy by nature, these mischievous creatures are responsible for all sorts of crime on the island. They have even been hunted by law enforcement officials but, thankfully, most are too small to catch. The Christmas Island Hawk Owl is also a philanderer, sometimes taking upwards of a dozen mates in one year. Many a Christmas Island Hawk Owl fight has broken out over a female. Most fights last no longer that 3 minutes and are often settled amicably. A little known fact about the Christmas Island Hawk Owl is that it is insanely curious and will go to any length to investigate and understand complex situations. During the dry season, some have resorted to cannibalism, but this is rare and highly disputed. Their small, beady eyes are poorly suited for night hunting and most use their wings to gag and suffocate their victims before ingesting them. Fast, nimble and a terrific sense of humor, make this tiny predator one of the greatest creatures ever assembled.

Until next time,

Dr. Brent Simonson, PHD.

~ Dr. Brent Simonson is a leading authority on owls. He is the author of several owl books and a respected lecturer. He lives in Maine with his nephew.

Welcome

Dear Friends,

Owls are strange, beautiful creatures. Over the course of hundreds of millions of years, the common tree owl has evolved into quite an animal. With their thick feathers and razor-sharp teeth, owls are also extremely well suited for both flying and hunting. However, it is a misconception that owls prefer the cover of night in order to prowl their property and hunt. Owls are actually very fond of the sunlight and are often found in it. There are thousands of types of owls and most of them have hollow bones. Of the many thousands of types, three prefer meat. Owls also come is all shapes and sizes, from as small as a mouse to as large as a bear. Since no owl has a complete digestive system, they are often seen chewing rocks and sticks to help break up the food parts going down their throat. All in all, owls are some of the most remarkable creatures ever created and I look forward to sharing many more facts and statistics about them in the days to come.

Until next time,

Dr. Brent Simonson, PHD.

~ Dr. Brent Simonson is a leading authority on owls. He is the author of several owl books and a respected lecturer. He lives in Maine with his nephew.

An owl.